Its like Donuts...

Its been quite a while since I last wrote and I was going to try to go back through all the "happenings" in our life over the past couple of months, but thats completely overwhelming so I am just starting back with today...


* For those of you who need a little re-cap-Last August, we felt the Lord stirring us and leading us to do something completely crazy (by normal standards that is). Through His Word, Isaiah 55 mostly, we felt the Lord was asking us to begin to live by faith...to live a life completely dependent on Him. For e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g...We had some friends that had a ministry in the Pickwick area, and the doors began to open to move there, away from the hustle and bustle. We didn't move there to run or escape anything. Obviously the Lord desire's heart change, not just location! But, we really felt His leading to sell our home, and move there to be discipled, learn to live by faith, and really let Him work in our hearts as only He can. Coming away from the job Daniel had always had, and from the life that we had lived completely for ourselves was good. Learning to hear the Lord's voice was good. Learning to know the difference between flesh and Spirit was good. Letting go of the things that we were in bondage to was good. So many inward "spiritual deaths" were brought about for us and we were changed, drastically. At the end of April, we began to feel the Lord stirring us again. This time, towards the mission field (I will go into that more on another day). Long story short, we moved back in town, moved in with my ridiculously sweet in-law's, and are waiting on the Lord to give us our next step.*


Being back has been good but also hard. We are driving the same ole' streets, going to the same stores, seeing the same people...life looks the same...BUT we are NOT the same! Its like we were in the twilight zone and now we have re-entered real life, but not the life we left! Its been a struggle to figure out where we fit in, or how the Lord wants us to live while we are here. What does He want us to do in this waiting period? There are so many questions waiting to be answered, and I know that in the mean time, He wants us to look to Him. He wants to continue to be our life, in the midst of "life" going on around us. Of course, practically speaking, that has been hard. One of the hard things for me is looking around (I realize this is never a good thing to do!) Seeing what everyone else has or is doing and what we don't have or what people will think of us.  Those were huge issues for me for the better part of my life. I lived my life measuring myself against others and what they thought of me. (I think I have gone into that on another post so I won't give it all to you again) Point is, the last few weeks have been an ongoing battle for me. I am all of the sudden back in "civilization" (no offense to those of you that live in Pickwick!), and those struggles are starting rear their ugly heads again! Outward appearance, what people think, etc... are consuming my thoughts and its so annoying!

So, this morning, I found myself just crying out to the Lord. Again. He reminded me of the verse in 1 Samuel that says "Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (16:7) None of the things I have been struggling with matter at all to the One my heart truly wants to please (I mean, He cares that I'm struggling but He does not care about appearance and does not want us to struggle with things like that!). This battle rages in my mind and soul b/c I know I want to choose Him and I want His peace and joy that yielding to His ways always brings. I want more of Him. But, my stinky flesh is so strong! As I thought and prayed about these things, my sweet Father in Law brought in a bunch of donuts "for the kids." Now, I don't know about you, but donuts are one of my favorite sweet treats! I love them, and it takes quite a  bit of discipline for me to abstain and having just one is almost unthinkable. But, inevitably, I always feel guilty after I gorge myself on them. While they are super pleasing to the taste buds, they are crazy high in fat, sugar and calories (and probably lots of other things you smart healthy eaters probably know about) and in 15 minutes I am starving and have to eat something else to fill the void that they left!

This got me thinking. The worldly pleasures that so tempt me and that I find myself lusting after and thinking about are just like donuts. They look so good and they taste so good once you have them. To not indulge is nearly impossible! But, they are empty! Everything about them leaves you feeling less than satisfied. I mean, we think "if I could only have this new pair of shoes, or this new car, or a nicer house, or better job or super awesome boyfriend or husband or fill in the blank.....then I would be happy. Life would be better!" And then we get that new pair of shoes or better job or whatever, and we feel empty again. We start looking for something else to set our gaze on to bring more satisfaction and to fill that void again. If donuts leave us hungry and put a little extra somethin' on the waste line, what are we supposed to eat? Any nutritionist would tell you to eat the good stuff! Proteins, fibers, fruits, veggies...the stuff that really will satisfy our tummy's and won't leave us feeling guilty! We must also learn what to do when the worldly "cravings" hit! Where do I go when my thoughts are focused on worldly things and I am coveting what someone else has or I feel inadequate as a mom and wife and start looking for ways to look better or feel better?

I think Jesus makes it clear in John 6. He is telling the crowds (who had just witnessed the miracle of the loaves and fish and who had their bellies filled with food) in vs 27, "Do not labor for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you."  He later says (after bantering back and forth with them, which is also quite convicting to read) in vs 35 "I AM the Bread of Life. Whoever comes to Me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst." So, He is our Bread! He is the only One that can satisfy our hungry and thirsty souls. He won't leave us wanting more. He has to be better than any of those "worldly donuts" that we lust after, but I am still so accustomed to filling a void with momentary pleasures rather than going to Him and letting Him fill me. We must discipline ourselves to pursue what satisfies and remember the depressing effects of what doesn't.

I'll end this with Isaiah 55:1-3. Its saying the same things and its SUCH a good reminder to me!...

"Come, everyone who thirsts,
 Come to the waters,
 And he who has no money, come
 buy and eat!
 Come buy wine and milk
 without money and without price.
 Why do spend your money for that which is not bread,
 and your labor for that which does not satisfy?
 Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good,
 and delight yourselves in rich food.
 Incline your ear and come to me;
 hear that your soul may live...."

*Disclaimer: I am not saying in anyway that one should never consume a donut again. That would be sad. Its simply an analogy:)